Saturday, 29 October 2011

One Wedding, Some Zombies and a Shitload of Funerals by Charlie Wade.

Every girl’s dream. Maxine had been planning it for years. The dress, the entree’s, the seating arrangements. Everything. Planned over and over. Most of it before she’d even met Brad.

And now, the big day. Wasn’t it just typical that the zombie hoard chose this week to walk the earth? She’d spent all morning clearing out the reception venue of shufflers. Broken three nails in the process. Perhaps she should cancel it?

It wasn’t second thoughts about marrying Brad, no way. Problem was: she’d just killed her future father in law and the best man. Who was gonna make the speeches now? It was a mess. Her dad couldn’t give her away either. He was locked in the shed, screaming for brains. She’d tried to end his misery, but he was her dad. How could she do it?

Her mum was undead too. 
Died two weeks ago, but still sat on the sofa watching The X Factor. Maxine sometimes wondered if there was any difference, but that was just nasty talk. Sure the ironing wasn’t as good, and the cooking hit and miss, but she was still her mum.She placed the tiara over her head. Shame about the hairdresser. At least she’d sorted Maxine’s split ends before the shuffling and scissor prodding got too bad. A roundhouse kick and garroting with her own extensions was not the tip she’d expected to leave her.

Outside she heard moaning. Shit. They were they coming again.

Looking out the window, Brad was shuffling up the driveway. He looked so good in a suit. Real suave. He didn’t look too hot with half his face missing though. Anyway, didn’t he know it was bad luck to see her before the wedding? She picked up her shotgun. Brad’s bad luck was about to get a whole lot worse.
Charlie Wade lives in Derbyshire, England and has written three books he's trying to find a publisher for. He's got six short stories online in the usual places and his story, Pleading and Bleeding, was in Out Of The Gutter Magazine issue 7. He occasionally blogs at


Beach Bum said...

You know I actually feel there is a lot in common between getting married and becoming a zombie.

No, my wife can't read this, she is still in bed.

Sean Patrick Reardon said...

Nice one Charlie. Best line for me:

"Died two weeks ago, but still sat on the sofa watching The X Factor. Maxine sometimes wondered if there was any difference"


Thomas Pluck said...

braaaiiiins... yes dear I'm sorry you're right... braaiiiiinssss

Anonymous said...

Those damn inconsiderate Zombie Hoards. Broke three nails? My god, what's a Bridezilla to do? Whole new concept of Shotgun Wedding. Be chuckling for a while now. Cool.

Madam Z said...

Someone should tell Maxine that it's bad luck to shoot the groom before the wedding.

Charlie, your characters may be "undead," but I guarantee that your stories will not be unread.

Alan Griffiths said...

Terrific, Charlie. You can't beat a good Zombie wedding.

Col Bury said...

Great fun this, Charlie.

I, too, loved the X-Factor line, plus 'Shame about the hairdresser'.

Good luck with the three books, mate.


Jodi MacArthur said...

I like how Maxine went from considering canceling the wedding because of three broken nails to... aw, hell- shoot the groom! Zombie apocalypse can really F it all up for a girl, esp on her wedding day.